12 signs you’re more popular and well-liked than you think, according to psychology
Everybody feels alone and overlooked sometimes, and it’s a painful emotion.
But sometimes we can be our own worst enemy.
As psychology demonstrates, we are often more well-liked and popular than we realize.
Reflecting on this can be both a self-esteem boost and a valuable demonstration of how much unnecessary suffering we sometimes inflict on ourselves due to believing our inner critic.
Here are the telltale signs that people are fonder of you than you might realize.
1) Folks remember your name When people remember your name, it means that you have made an impression of some kind on them.
People remember your name for two main reasons:
They like you and are drawn to you emotionally or physically They have some business interest or self-interest reason to keep your name in mind (such as a salesman). The fact remains that you’re more well-liked than you realize if people in a variety of situations remember your name.
2) People have positive body language around you The next thing to watch out for is body language.
When people have expressive and open body language around you, it means they are comfortable with you and like you.
It also has a reciprocal effect, making you more likely to appreciate them as well!
One interesting thing to keep in mind here is a gender variation on this specific issue of body language expressiveness and openness.
“In our own research, we found that in initial encounters with strangers, expressive body language led to greater liking,” explains Organizational Psychology Professor Ronald E. Riggio, PhD.
“However, we also found a sex difference, such that men who were expressive with their bodies via posture and head movements were better liked, while women who were expressive with their facial expressions were most liked.”
3) People ask for your opinion and advice Are you the kind of person that folks come to for advice?
If the answer is yes then it points to being more well-liked and trusted than you might realize.
When a person wants or needs advice, they don’t go to a person just for the sake of it or to waste their time:
They go because there is a certain amount of real respect and deference present.
You’re respected and liked , which is why they’re asking your view on their situation or issue.
4) Folks open up to you and show their emotions When people like you and trust you, they open up around you.
Part of the reason for this is often because you yourself open up and admit to mistakes and missteps.
This is what’s known as the Pratfall Effect in psychology.
“The Pratfall Effect shows us that it’s not only okay to be fallible, but it can actually be helpful to us,” observes psychologist Marina Harris, PhD.
“Vulnerability is endearing. Vulnerability helps us forge connections with others, which is probably why it contributes to likeability.”
When you’re more vulnerable and open about your own imperfection, it encourages others to also open up. They like you more because they can see you’re not putting on any airs.
5) Frequent invitations come your way People occasionally send an invite to be nice, but if you consistently get personal invitations, it means you’re more popular than you might think.
Folks think of you when they think of a fun and interesting person they want at their event.
If you’re getting quite a few invitations, it’s something to really savor.
It means you’re valued and appreciated in a real way by the people in your professional and personal life.
6) You’re often included in meaningful conversations When you’re well-liked and trusted, people let you in on their conversations.
This is a big treat and can also be confusing or stressful at times, depending what the topic is about.
But it’s a definite sign that you’re valued and respected.
As mental health writer Anne Bradely points out , “Walter Cronkite famously stated his goal was to be ‘interested, not interesting.’ Being sincerely interested in others’ conversation is an easy way to show your investment in a person and a group.”
By adopting this kind of trait, you become a person who’s sought-after and valued.
You end up being included in all sorts of fascinating interactions and discussions.
7) Folks make time for you to fit you in their schedule
If you have a busy schedule then you know how hard it can be to fit people in.
Even answering an email within a day or two can sometimes feel like an impossible task.
That’s why people making the time to fit you in their busy schedule is a definite sign they like and value you.
They are making you a priority and going out of their way to be in touch and connect with you.
8) People give you affectionate pats and touches If you notice that people give you a lot of kind touches and pats, it’s a classic sign of warmth and affection .
It means they like and appreciate you.
It may also mean they’re physically or emotionally attracted to you, although this isn’t always the case.
Either way, it means they see you and want to get closer to you and let you know that you’re appreciated!
“Research has previously demonstrated the importance of warmth (friendliness, thoughtfulness) and responsiveness in maintaining relationships and facilitating new ones,” explains psychologist Karen Young, PsyD.
When you’re being patted and lightly touched in appropriate and kind ways, it’s something to treasure.
It means you’re popular and well-liked and other people want to make that clear to you!
9) People compliment you in genuine and specific ways Getting vague compliments may not mean that much, but when they’re quite specific it’s worth paying attention.
This level of specificity means that you are valued and seen in a very big way.
You’re not just “another guy” or “some lady.”
You’re a person who has gained people’s particular attention and who they see something admirable enough in to specifically mention.
10) There’s a lot of mirroring going on around you Another thing to watch out for is mirroring.
This can be observed in both body language, words and deeds.
“Those who express gratitude are not only seen as warmer, but are more likely to engender gratitude from others,” observes Young, as an example.
When you notice that what you give out is what comes back to you, it means a person likes you.
They appreciate you and want to get closer to you and connect with you by speaking your same language (whether it’s your deeds, behavior or body language).
11) You get quite a bit of social media engagement Social media should never be a replacement for real life, but it can be a barometer of your online connections and rapport.
When you’re getting quite a bit of likes and hearts it may just be an algorithm that likes you or a pic you posted that got some laughs.
But when you’re getting real interactions like comments, support and all sorts of engagement, that’s another kettle of fish:
It means you’re more popular than you think and many people care about what you post.
12) You often get positive feedback and support That proverbial clap on the back is a powerful affirmation that you’re well liked.
It’s a reminder that even if you think “hey, I’m just me,” other people see you as a great individual who they love having around.
It shows the limits of self-perception in judging what is likable or not to others.
“Sometimes the things we dislike the most about ourselves are the most endearing to others,” points out Harris.
“The same can be true for the opposite — sometimes what we like about ourselves isn’t necessarily a quality others appreciate.”
The key truth about being well-liked The thing about being well-liked is that it’s actually secondary to loving yourself and being true to yourself .
Although the signs above are an important self-esteem boost and way to realize that you’re seen and valued in ways you might not have realized, it should never take priority over how you value yourself and your own judgments.
“The vast majority of us don’t do these things because we’re worried about what others will say or think,” notes psychology writer Jordan Bates.
“We end up sacrificing ourselves and our dreams to try to appease those around us.”
The key is to appreciate those who like you but also never lose sight of your right and power to do what motivates and inspires you, even if it’s not popular!
