5 Ways To Increase Happiness With Small Talk
You may dislike small talk, or you may wonder how to make small talk less awkward when you’re in mix-and-mingle situations. But small talk is bigger than you might think. Surprising new data suggests that having brief exchanges or superficial conversations can contribute to your happiness and wellbeing.
Loneliness is at epidemic levels today, with 50% of people reporting they are lonely. In addition, large proportions of people say they don’t have enough friends or don’t have friends at all. Importantly, loneliness and a lack of friends are both associated with negative outcomes emotionally, cognitively and physically.
With this reality, small talk is a great strategy to feel more connected with those around you.
How to Make Small Talk
So how to make small talk? And how can you build both your skills and your comfort with small talk?
1. Be Ready In the Right Places
One way to make small talk effectively is to be ready when the opportunity presents itself.
People report that small talk is most likely to occur at social events (69% expect small talk here), waiting in line (64%), at work (63%), shopping (49%), at restaurants (39%), at coffee shops (31%), at salons or spas (28%), in elevators (25%), during air travel (24%), during rideshare or taxi drives (23%), at gyms or fitness venues (17%) or on trains or buses (12%). This is according to a survey by Preply.
Watch for opportunities no matter where you are, and lean in when you see moments to engage with others.
2. Choose the Best Topics
Another surefire way to get better at small talk is to have a range of topics you can bring up. According to the Preply data, the most common topics were the weather (62% of people), work (38%), family (29%), social situations (28%), sports (23%), living situations (20%) and traffic (14%).
But you’ll also want to exercise caution, because while these are the most popular topics for small talk, the issues that people most want to avoid talking about are sports, current events and family.
3. Use Nonverbals
Another primary way to make small talk effectively is to use nonverbals.
Lean forward, make eye contact and smile as you’re making brief conversation. These are effective ways to demonstrate engagement, according to a study in Social Psychological and Personality Science.
4. Shift to Substance When You Can
Another way to get better at small talk is to start with it. From there, be ready to shift to more substantive discussion when you can.
In a substantive conversation, there is more meaningful information exchanged, and this allows you to learn more about someone and build a relationship. A deeper conversation can be about any topic, the key is that you’re exchanging more than just trivial information.
For example, if you’re chatting with a colleague after a meeting, you may start with the weather, and then get into a more consequential topic such as how their project is going or how they are working through a stressful project.
Research in in Psychological Science found that while small talk is better than not talking, substantive conversations are better than small talk for happiness. So, if it’s appropriate to move the conversation to deeper levels, there will be payoffs for doing so.
You can consider a number of questions to deepen a friendship and to get people talking about something that’s more substantive and create strong bonds. These include questions about the future, accomplishments, regrets, relationships, memories or humorous situations.
5. Just Do It
Another way to get better at small talk is to engage in it more often. In fact, 39% of people engage in small talk on a daily basis, according to Preply data.
You can also be confident that if you reach out to others, they are likely to welcome your conversation starters. We tend to think others don’t want to make small talk, but this is a myth. Instead, research published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology found that most people welcomed interaction and felt positively about having engaged with strangers.
Proof that Small Talk Has Big Benefits
There is proof that small talk is a good thing. For research purposes, it’s defined as polite conversation focused on trivial, unimportant topics and non-controversial topics. It’s talk that that doesn’t deepen a relationship, and in which you walk away from the exchange without really knowing any more about a person.
One study asked people to have casual exchanges with a barista when they were buying coffee. In these cases, people reported greater levels of happiness and wellbeing, even based on the brief conversations they had. This was published in Social Psychological and Personality Science.
In another study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, people were asked to interact with strangers on the subway. This too resulted in greater levels of happiness and wellbeing.
Make small talk effectively by looking for opportunities and being intentional about it. The more you engage, the easier it will be and the more it will contribute to your happiness and wellbeing
