From check-in bullies to buffet hoarders: hotel etiquette is dead
The worst hotel guest behaviors (and how not to become one)
– A recent survey suggests bad behavior and social blunders by hotel guests are a growing problem.
– Common complaints include guests being loud, treating staff poorly, and acting entitled in shared spaces.
– Experts advise against confronting misbehaving guests directly and instead recommend contacting hotel management.
What’s the worst thing you’ve seen someone do at a hotel? For Lynne Goldberg, it’s the check-in bully.
Check-in bullies are the most demanding hotel guests. They push to the front of the line and make loud and often unreasonable demands of the staff.
“When there are no upgrades available, they rudely and loudly reprimand the person checking them in,” she said. “It usually begins with phrases like, ‘Do you know how many nights I have stayed in this hotel? Get me your manager now!'”
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Bad behavior in hotels has been front and center lately. A March survey by Hotels.com suggested hotel faux pas are a growing problem. Topping the list of no-nos: bare feet in hotel common areas (94%) and wearing hotel robes outside the room (92%). Also frowned upon: public displays of affection in the pool (86%) and hogging pool chairs (60%).
“People just seem to have less respect for the property and well-being of others,” said etiquette expert Rachel Wagner. “It’s an attitude of, ‘it’s not mine, so I don’t care.”
There’s a short list of popular social blunders, but experts also say there are proven ways to avoid them. (And yes, I can’t believe I have to write this story, but I do.)
Here are the social blunders hotel guests are making
Goldberg, a public speaker from Palm Beach, Florida, said she’s seen a lot of questionable behaviors at hotels lately. A runner-up to the check-in bully is a category of guest she calls “the last meal.” It happens at the breakfast buffet.
“They stack their plates so high that they actually have food fall off the plate and onto the floor,” she said. “Then they ignore the fallen food, acting as if they did not notice they dropped it. It’s cringe-worthy.”
But there’s more.
– Making loud noise at night: That’s one of Andy Abramson’s pet peeves. He recently stayed at a chain hotel in New York and, because it was a last-minute booking, ended up in a room near an elevator. “Around 1 a.m., a group left their room, talking loudly on the way to the elevator,” recalled Abramson, a communications consultant from Las Vegas. “Then, around 4 a.m., they returned — even louder.” (The hotel moved him the next morning and apologized for the inconvenience.)
– Acting like you own the place: Too many guests treat their room and the hotel’s public areas like they belong to them. They spread out and leave their belongings on the chairs or hog the exercise equipment in the gym. “A hotel is not your home and all of the common areas are shared spaces,” said etiquette expert Nick Leighton. “Don’t hog treadmills or pool chairs.”
– Mistaking the staff for your personal assistant: Spencer Jones, a travel advisor with OvationNetwork, said he’s seen a lot of “the concierge is my personal assistant” clients lately. Some guests hog the concierge’s time and attention with a lot of little requests. Often, they have second thoughts about all the activities they’ve lined up, and then cancel. “They claim there’s nothing wrong with it,” said Jones. Obviously, if you want a personal assistant, you should bring one with you. A hotel concierge is not a PA.
How should you deal with a bad hotel guest?
The real question is, when you run into someone who is noisy or demanding or is just walking around without shoes, how do you deal with it?
I practically live in hotels, so I’ve seen plenty of poorly behaved guests. They all bother me, but the worst are the noisy ones. I’m fine with young kids, but loud adults really irritate me. I’ll never forget the honeymooners at a hotel in Finland (of all places) who kept me up all night.
Experts say the important thing is not to overreact when you encounter a problem guest. It’s easy to lose your patience with someone who acts entitled or careless, said Thomas Plante, a behavioral expert who teaches psychology at Santa Clara University.
“I think if people act respectfully, most problems or potential problems can be worked out,” he said.
Looking back, maybe I should have gone downstairs and asked for a different room, away from those Finnish honeymooners. Or asked the hotel to discreetly address the, uh, situation. Experts say asking management for help is a good way to handle any issue.
“A lot of these faux pas stem from poor communication,” explains Abbe Depretis, who teaches at Carnegie Mellon University’s Tepper School of Business. “Many Americans lack basic conflict management techniques that could de-escalate tense situations, and they end up worsening these scenarios.”
In other words, people make assumptions about guests who commit a social blunder and then, instead of tactfully addressing the problem, they cause the situation to escalate. Depretis said it’s also important to be considerate of those around you, so you don’t become part of the problem.
But equally important is to give the offender the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they’re just in a hurry. Maybe they’re from a part of the world with different social norms. If you can find a way to communicate your expectations without making the situation worse, you can avoid being in someone’s viral video.
I can’t believe we’re having this discussion
I have to be honest: the fact that experts have identified hotel social blunders as a problem is worrisome. Don’t people know enough to be modest and quiet when they’re in a public place like a hotel? I think I’d like to have a word with their parents, because clearly, they skipped a few important life lessons.
The takeaway for me, as a frequent hotel guest, is that you can take nothing for granted. Manners seem to be optional these days. I feel bad for the hotel employees who have to deal with this nonsense, and I feel worse for you, because this kind of behavior could ruin your next vacation.
Christopher Elliott is an author, consumer advocate, and journalist. He foundedElliott Advocacy, a nonprofit organization that helps solve consumer problems. He publishesElliott Confidential, a travel newsletter, and theElliott Report, a news site about customer service. If you need help with a consumer problem, you canreach him here or email him at chris@elliott.org.
